tonight is a little sad for me. i struggle with feeling like i am really not important to my spouse except for the one "spousal" duty. i am trying to learn new things, to see how i have maybe jumped to conclusions and set him up to fail before he even started, i am trying to grow, to change my attitude, to accept that some of the problem lies with my insecurities and not all his actions. i am trying! but tonight, it feels like i am once again invisible. tomorrow brings about a day of rock climbing for him, with someone he has never met, which scares me a bit, i don't think i could trust my very life to a total stranger! for him it is never about just the hours he climbs, it takes all kinds of prep time, it takes the full day before, the day he climbs and the day after to recover. i feel left behind. for my birthday this past year, he gave me the gift of painting my bathroom, it is now 5 months later and it isn't done, for christmas this past year, i got him some rock climbing holds to build a climbing wall in our garage, it is a fourth of the way finished. i feel unimportant. fridays are date days, yet in a year and a half, only 7 times have we had a date on a friday. i feel unlovable. i am trying so very hard to be open, to trust and to have more confidence in my relationship, yet tonight i am sad, i feel invisible, unlovable, unworthy, rejected and lonely. i am trying.