the forgotten friend

i have come to realize in the past few weeks, that i am the forgotten friend. i am not playing the victim card or trying to come across as a martyr, it is just simply the truth. i have had a rough life, it seems that would be putting it mildly, yet, i have always prided myself on being the friend that people could depend on. whether it was interupting my honeymoon with news of an unplanned pregnancy, asking for help with a drinking problem, eloping in my backyard, or simply shopping for that perfect birthday or christmas present, or cheering up a friend with a severe case of pms, i have always been the "go-to" friend, i will drop most anything to be there for another person i care for, i have even been known to do it for someone i hardly know. yet, i have discovered that i am the forgotten friend, when my life is in shambles, or i am needy or just out of sorts, my closest friends play the disappearing act. my calls get screened, my messages go unanswered, my friends no longer want to hang out, my emails get sent to the deleted thing unopened. a few years ago, when i noticed this pattern, of me putting so much effort into letting others know how much i value and love our friendship, only to see it go unreciprocated when the tables turned, i thought i was paranoid. but, still to this day, i become invisible, at least until the next time "they" need a "friend".