the ideal life?!

i want to have boundaries,
i think,
of any sort.
i want to feel like i control my own life,
my destiny.
i want to feel like i can say no
without the world crashing down around me.
i want to feel like there are enough hours in a day
to actually accomplish something.
i want to have the freedom
to have down time with friends.
i want to wake up rested
and go to bed tired but not spent.
i want to feel in control and not
like a lunatic running blindly around
piecing my life together.
i want to feel like i am a complete person
not millions of tiny fragments jumbled up.
i want to have balance in my life,
to be a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend
and have those roles co-exsist in harmony.
i want to feel complete joy
at the small things in my life
i want permission to cry and to hurt
when the day seems like it will never end.
i want someone to be there to comfort me,
not with conditions or timeframes involved.
i want to be able to see people who are long distances or short, for that matter
whenever i want to.
i want to look in the mirror and smile at the person i see.
i want to learn spanish.
i want to finish my book.
i want to eat bacon and eggs at midnight, in denny's in my pajamas and slippers
i want to find a job that i can actually do, that occurs between
10pm and 7am.
i want to pick a new extended family
and replace them with my friends.
i want to secretly trip the little girl that teases my daughter at school.
i want to stop time and rewind to quiet close moments with my kids.
i want to live at disneyland,
i want to forget everything before 1991.
i want to take away the pain i see in my loved ones.
i want to watch my favorite movies in a real theater just one more time, even wizard of oz.
i want to always love potato skins.
i want to sit in my spa.
i want to look back and know that i did the best i could.
now,
i want to go to sleep
and dream of all the things
that i want,
it may be as close as i get!