my time in the forest

my time in the forest this past week was awesome! it didn't start that way, in fact by the time we drove up there, dave wanted a refund and to just go back home, but then a simple thing like having the beds made when we got into our room, turned everything around. we stopped fighting and went for three whole days without an arguement and then only had minor ones a few times after that. our kids were fantastic and helped so much with kennedy. the speakers were amazing! very genuine and loving and accepting. dave and i had a lot of serious discussions that were a long time in coming this week. it felt good to express where i am in terms of memories and my self-esteem because of what i am going through. i got to see tony, and the pina's and the cosbys and even mel for a short while. that was nice, although i thought i would have a lot more time with them then i did. i bonded in a huge way with tynin and spent good quality time with her. i watched my son and his future "wife" hang out and was in awe. they still play like they did when they were 5 and yet act like an old married couple, he pouring her lemonade, her clearing his dishes, very cute. we bonded instantly with old friends over junk food and games. but this year was different. i have struggled with intimacy with people, especially christians this past few months, and feel like i can't get close to people because they do not know me. i have prayed for a year that i would have the courage, that if anyone asked me any questions about my past that i would be able to share what the lord wanted me to. all week long, nothing came of it. so i figured that god had other plans for me. then the last night, after communion, we were all hanging out, even the speakers and we were telling funny stories about ourselves and the speaker asked dave to tell how we got married, how god told him to marry me, so he did and when he did he casually mentioned that i lived with a family because i had just gotten out of the occult. this was at 10:30p.m. soon the questions were flying from all directions, i looked at dave and he said, i think it is time we shared, so we dove in head first, by the time it was 4a.m. and no i am not making that up, we were begging these people to go to bed, there were other people leaving the lodge to drive to vegas at this point, but no one was in a hurry to go to bed. we felt like we had released a huge load and felt good about it. the group that was in that room was so diverse, a few people we had known for years, some we had just met, and some whom we had steered clear of for the past few years, but who had somehow trickled into our hearts that week, plus the speakers. i only got about 22 minutes of sleep, because my mind was racing when we got to our room, i didn't know if people thought we were freaks, or mental cases or if they were going to shun us or our kids in the morning, so i was laying there, pre-worrying. when we got to breakfast, everyone of the people in that room, came and hugged me and told me how glad they were that we had shared with them. and then the speaker told dave, that had been one of the highlights of their week, and he and his wife, who just happen to live in fresno, invited us to lunch this coming friday! i was really nervous that i had broken some camp rules, or that the people that i love that work there would be upset, but after that, i had a sense of peace and didn't really care. it was a great week, many stories, many memories, i hope to "re-live" these memories! i have been trying to email many of you but my email is down right now, so you may get multiple emails when it gets back up. i have much to share, much to be thankful for, these weeks in the forest, renew my faith, my hope and open my eyes and heart to so much, i am forever grateful!!! more later, you can bet on that!