i have lost touch with reality
i have lost touch with reality
i no longer recgonize what
is real and what is not
my husbands favorite game of late
is to make me feel like i have lost my mind
and somewhere along the way
he won the game
i no longer feel like i am living
i feel has if i am living in a movie
and my script says
pyscho wife: debbie
and i hope and pray that i come out ok
by the end
but deep down i know
that i don't
that i come out looking just
like he portrays me to be
a nut job
he says things to me
and then when it comes up again
he swears he didn't
my friends look at me with pity
like they are thinking
poor thing, she is losing her mind
but that isn't the case
at least i didn't think it was
but now i am not so sure
i am a hopeless case
trapped in a hopeless situation
there are moments of joy
of harmony
of happiness
yet i think i have crossed over
into full blown mental illness
or alzheimers
because i cannot seem to remember
a damn thing that my husband says to me
i look like a fool
i feel like an idiot
and somehow
i have ended up alone again
my friends
i don't hear from
i don't see them
maybe it is too painful for them to tell me
that i am sick and mentally deficient
i find that i can no longer continue
no longer try
because at the end of the day
it doesn't really matter
i no longer recgonize what
is real and what is not
my husbands favorite game of late
is to make me feel like i have lost my mind
and somewhere along the way
he won the game
i no longer feel like i am living
i feel has if i am living in a movie
and my script says
pyscho wife: debbie
and i hope and pray that i come out ok
by the end
but deep down i know
that i don't
that i come out looking just
like he portrays me to be
a nut job
he says things to me
and then when it comes up again
he swears he didn't
my friends look at me with pity
like they are thinking
poor thing, she is losing her mind
but that isn't the case
at least i didn't think it was
but now i am not so sure
i am a hopeless case
trapped in a hopeless situation
there are moments of joy
of harmony
of happiness
yet i think i have crossed over
into full blown mental illness
or alzheimers
because i cannot seem to remember
a damn thing that my husband says to me
i look like a fool
i feel like an idiot
and somehow
i have ended up alone again
my friends
i don't hear from
i don't see them
maybe it is too painful for them to tell me
that i am sick and mentally deficient
i find that i can no longer continue
no longer try
because at the end of the day
it doesn't really matter
2 Comments:
Debbie,
You are not sick or mentally deficient...you are going through a difficult time. You have a sharp mind and a memory that never forgets. We all love you and can testify to your sanity!! I hope you can come on Tuesday.
And then there are those friends that think you are completely normal, beautiful and wonderful. Those friends pray for you, love it when you are around and hold your hand through this painful season in life. I know quite a few friends that think this way about you. Love you, Laura
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