what am i doing?

what am i doing? i feel like i am on a conveyor belt being transported through my life. everything is so surreal, so strange and so mind numbing. i am not connecting with even my closest friends, i sit and look at them with wonderment and confusion, because i cannot carry on even simple conversations without feeling like a freak. i hear things and don't know if they were really said, i see things and can't distinguish the lines between reality and the blurriness of whatever the hell this other stuff is. my kids talk to me about things that are happening or are supposed to happen next year at school and i think that it can't be true, that they would have told the parents, i feel like it is a conspiracy or something, it makes me paranoid. what is going on?! i had all night by myself to clean and get my house in order, and i didn't get it done, not hardly anything. i just want to be normal. what am i doing? no idea!