today

today, was a day. just a day. i felt ordinary and at times fairly normal. i had a kid home from school sick, i had a toddler with exploding diaper mishaps five different times, i had homework to supervise, dinner to make, grocery shopping to do, laundry to fold, dishes to wash. it was pretty normal. i am praying daily for strength and compassion and understanding in my marriage. so far, i will say that i am pleasantly surprised. at times i find fear creeping in and attacking me, and then i remind myself to take a deep breath and give dave a chance to change. some of the old things he used to say came up today, i wanted to scream to run to hide, yet, i sucked it up, took a breath and waited, he realized(on his own i may add) what he was doing and stopped himself, so i avoided a complete meltdown and while i struggled internally i remained calm and it worked itself out. that was a nice feeling, a normal reaction to a potentially explosive situation. i felt like i had accomplished a lot! and except for the sleepless nights of memories that never end, and remembrances of easters past, i think i am doing ok. very tired, beyond tired, but i am coping, today was nice, tonight....sleepless and restless, hoping for more of the same tomorrow, except the diapers!