i don't know what to do anymore

i don't know what to do anymore. most of you know that i have been secretly seeing a therapist for a few months. i have sought his advice on how to communicate my needs to my husband, have written things out, practiced on the therapist, all of it. i felt very confident that it would all work itself out, that i would be heard, i took his advice on not begging for him to not go on the climbing trip, to just be as supportive as i could while being true to my feelings about it. so, basically i wasn't superbitch, but i didn't have to be mary poppins about it either. i did ok with that, i even slept on the couch for a week so that i wouldn't get him sick so that he could go on his trip. things have been bad in the marriage for a long time, a really long time. the therapist suggested to me that i write detailed lists of things when i ask dave to do something so that he could not say that i didn't ask him something. i have done that, down to the very minute detail and yet, with it written in his hand, he somehow manages to not do the things that i ask. i find that when i am asked something and i answer directly, he doesn't do it and swears i didn't say anything, then berates me for being upset about it. i am at the point that i cry during sex, and if any of you know my history you know that is something i am terrified to do, but i feel as if i am being emotionally raped, i go numb and feel like i am worthless, instead of special. i have gone crazy with housework and laundry and cooking, and even making a dessert every night, the shrink says that i am outwardly trying to have control because inside i am in chaos. he may be right. i spend a lot of time looking at my kids baby pictures and remembering how nice life used to be, and how marriage was good. now, i can barely make it through each day, trying and begging and pleading for my husband to notice me to love me to want me to value me to support me to just be my friend. it has gotten to the point where as my therapist says, it is damaging my psyche and my spiritual and mental well being to stay in this marriage, i was under the impression that all shrinks would say you need to stay married no matter what. he says that i should never again say that i am leaving, that i should just pack and walk out. i am so emotional about this, i never wanted to get a divorce, but i also never thought i would be in this kind of marriage either. i dream of death all of the time, just a chance to get away from here. the weird thing is when he isn't around me, i adore him, i think that i can't live without him, until the second i see him. today he wounded me so deeply that i was tempted to call my dad and beg for my share of my inheritance just so that i could not stress that my kids and i would starve. that can't be good! it won't get better, and now that i see a shrink and he tells me what my part in all of it is, and he coaches me on how to communicate with dave and that doesn't work all i feel is helpless! do i really have to walk out on my marriage? what will it do to my kids? i don't know which way to turn now. i am scared and can't process my thoughts very well. i need prayers, guys. lots and lots of them. i think i may leave? i don't know.