i tried

well, i tried. i prayed all night, and most of today about how to make myself heard with my husband. he came home at lunch and that was nice, i was feeling so lousy i asked him if he could pick the kids up from school, he agreed and that let me rest some more. it was nice to rest by the fire, i feel so much worse than yesterday, which i don't understand, and need to be completely well by friday when he leaves. it isn't looking too promising. anyways, when he got home from getting the kids, i took a bath and tried to think of what i needed to say, so it wouldn't be a fight, so it wouldn't come out wrong. i then asked to talk to him, and tried to explain that i don't feel valued, or appreciated, or anything. what i discovered is that it is all my problem, he values me just fine and appreciates what i do, i am the one with the hang=up. when i asked him to make time for me to have adult time, which means he would have to watch the kids, he told me that i need to have kennedy move out, it would be the only way for that to happen. so, if all of the issues i am having are mine, and apparently i cannot fix them, why am i still here?! it isn't worth this anymore. i don't know how much more i can give without receiving anything back. i guess i am a stupid blind idiot to not see all of the terrific things that my husband does for me. so i guess all the thank you notes and text messages expressing my appreciation never were received and i need to thank my lucky stars that at least he puts up with me, because no one else would ever want me. i sure am lucky!