the big decision

so, up until only one hour ago, i had yet to make a decision about my future as a wife. it has weighed heavily on me all week long. most days i leaned towards divorce, to be honest. even last night, i thought about how relieved i had been when i had talked with david and asked him for a divorce. i didn't sleep well last night. i tossed and turned and tried to weigh my options. only an hour ago did i decide. i am giving him a chance, i know that the risks are high that he will fail. but, the bottom line is this, all i want is to be with him, to love him to need him to laugh and cry with him, and it has been his shortcoming that i have not had the time with him that i so desire. he has made strides to correct this, even giving up his workout time to come be with me on his lunch hour. he has looked into other options at work. he has helped with the kids, especially kennedy. a friend mentioned in a comment on a previous blog, to seek jesus in this decision and i thought i had, but i really think that there have been people who didn't give up on me, even when it seemed like i would never make the right choice. time after time they stuck thru it with me, i cannot give up 14 years at this moment in my life. i have stressed to dave strongly, that i am still at the end of my rope and that i have the right to change my mind, and that i am still serious, that this is gotta change for me to stay, he said he understood. i can tell you this, if you look in his eyes, you know that he understands how serious i am. so, an hour ago, i gave him a birthday card and in it i wrote " my gift to you is this....another chance at happiness with me". he said it was the best gift he could have gotten. so, with a guarded heart and mind, i move forward, it is going to be hard and a lot of work. i am going to give it a shot, i am praying that he does what is needed, i don't know how i will handle the heartbreak if he doesn't. so, thanks for your prayers, keep praying, and i will keep you updated.