how do i explain.....

how do i explain the things that are really unexplainable? i want to find complete and total healing and freedom, but the path to get there seems long and it is a scary concept to allow others to join me on the journey. i take so much on myself, i wonder if everyone is ok, if they all understand, if it is confusing for them, do they regret being there? it all makes me scared, but it so far, as not turned me from seeking wholeness. i forget to say things, like, it looks worse than it is... it is something that is familiar to me, even if it looks horrendous, it is what it takes to get to the finish, it isn't nearly as scary as it looks, and the worst i get from the experience is being exhausted and also a little sore, and with tonight, a few scratches on the arm. i am so nervous about taking this step, i feel like i need so much reassurance that i am ok and that i am not freaking people out. i don't mean to be so needy, it just is part of who i am, hopefully at the end of all this, i won't be. going back to old hurts, to new hurts, to unknown things, is so nervewracking, that it really is sort of daunting. i am committed, until there are no more people who will stand with me in this, and than i will still try to go as far as i can alone. please be patient, as i haven't been this vulnerable in a really long time! i want this more than anything, but i need understanding a patience, and honesty from all of you, if you have questions, or you don't understand something, please...please ask or find out the answer, that is part of my heart's desire is to teach people whatever i can about this. i am never offended and if i can't answer it the way i think people understand i will find someone who can answer it easier and clearer for you, i promise. so, until next time...thanks!