i feel like a superbitch today

i feel like a superbitch today, sorry if the language offends any of you, but i cannot think of a nicer or more politically correct term to use in this case. today, we had church, which has been super hard for me, but during easter it is just horrid, and to top it off i had nursery duty, and at first no kids, so all the other workers bailed, withing fifteen minutes, 5 kids, two of whom are screaming and i am alone. i flag down a lady and say, my kids are in the back row can you send them all in here? so, in comes my kids, and they are so awesome with these one year olds! i was very proud. dave of course nowhere to be seen. then it is lunch with my mother-in-law which was nice, and then we got kennedy back after a week without her, and she was so cute and ready to be home and not sick anymore. we are driving home and my best friend calls and invites me and the kids over while our husbands go to the gym, now, this is where it starts to turn, you see for the past few nights, we have been staying out so late and visiting friends from out of the country who are here visiting, so yesterday my kids took a five hour nap since they stayed awake until 4am the night before, and then we stayed until 2am last night. i had told the kids that we should probably stay home all day and rest and clean and do laundry and work on science fair projects, but then it sounded so much more fun to be with shannon that i gave up on that idea, so i iron clothes for the kids, pack the diaper bag, load up the car and get everybody there, no biggie. dave goes to work out and everything is fine, the kids are taking turns watching kennedy, they are getting along great, shannon and i are enjoying just the two of us hanging out and talking. the boys get home from the gym and bring sushi home, now if you know anything about me, you know i would rather be covered in rats than eat sushi! so, my son and the rest of the grown ups eat dinner, that leaves me and five more hungry kids. dave gets tired from the workout and eating too much and just kicks back, i end up going to get groceries and cooking for the kids and myself, then i clean it up and by this time i have changed kennedy 4 times, have talked to the kids about this or that and telling them to get along, while dave does nothing, so finally i have the kitchen cleaned up, the kids playing, and kennedy in pjs, i go out to visit with the adults and dave says he is going in to take a nap! he is in there for three hours, and says he couldn't even sleep, the whole time i am trying to quiet all 8 kids by this time the neighbors two have joined in, and watch over kennedy and i am getting testier and testier, i start zoning on spiritual crap around me, and start really feeling pulled and angry at dave. i offered him to go home, many many times, at least i could have gotten stuff done around the house. i am almost in tears by the time we leave, he asks me a question and i answer and he does exactly what i say not to do, and i feel invisible again like he doesn't hear me. the kids are staying the night at shannons, except kennedy which means i have to entertain her in the morning, and i am exhausted having slept 7 hours in the last four days, 3 of them in the afternoon yesterday. its black mass and i am feeling the pressure, i hate being a bitch but i feel homicidal tonight, like i could snap, the sister-in-law is coming this week instead of next, the in-laws are leaving in two weeks and i will get no break from the baby, dave is not the support i envisoned he would be this week, and when i get in superbitch mode, i lose my control. this is such a whiny baby blog that is almost embarassing to write but at this moment i am trying not to scream and cry and run out the front door. please let tomorrow be better!