trying to live, wanting to die
trying to live,
wanting to die,
searching for meaning,
coming up empty,
the insanity that i feared
is closing in around me
i taste the bitterness
of mental illness
with every breath i take
feeling broken
feeling repressed
feeling the heaviness in my heart
that says
you cant go on
you have nothing left to hold on to
feelings of despair
nothing new to me
feelings of hopelessness
been there too
the prospect of life
just out of my grasp
the overwhelming comfort of death
has become an hourly visit
the emptiness and hollowness
that reside in my heart
make me question
what part of me
makes me so despicable
so unnatural to be around
why can i not have people
in my life that are true
that can feel my pain
just by looking into my eyes
that can hear the hurt
just by the sound of my voice
that can know the seriousness
of my disease
i cannot reach out
there is no one there to reach for
i cannot cry out
there is no one there to hear me
i cannot
i cannot
i cannot
the pain envelops me now
the time has come for this to end
why pretend anymore
the pain is just too great
they say life goes on
and herein lies the problem
wanting to die,
searching for meaning,
coming up empty,
the insanity that i feared
is closing in around me
i taste the bitterness
of mental illness
with every breath i take
feeling broken
feeling repressed
feeling the heaviness in my heart
that says
you cant go on
you have nothing left to hold on to
feelings of despair
nothing new to me
feelings of hopelessness
been there too
the prospect of life
just out of my grasp
the overwhelming comfort of death
has become an hourly visit
the emptiness and hollowness
that reside in my heart
make me question
what part of me
makes me so despicable
so unnatural to be around
why can i not have people
in my life that are true
that can feel my pain
just by looking into my eyes
that can hear the hurt
just by the sound of my voice
that can know the seriousness
of my disease
i cannot reach out
there is no one there to reach for
i cannot cry out
there is no one there to hear me
i cannot
i cannot
i cannot
the pain envelops me now
the time has come for this to end
why pretend anymore
the pain is just too great
they say life goes on
and herein lies the problem
1 Comments:
My friend, I just want you to know that I am reading your blog and praying for you. Often I sit here, wanting to comment, my fingers poised above the keyboard, and can think of nothing more to say than the usual: I love you and am praying for you. Both are true.
Keep writing, keep holding on, keep the faith in what God is doing. This season will not last forever and He will honor all the prayers that are spoken on your behalf. That's just who He is.
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