how do i learn his language?!

how do i learn his language?! i want so desperately to make this marriage work. my life is so chaotic right now, i am ready for some peace.(not likely, anytime soon) my whole life i have been so deceived by so many people that i respected and that were in a position of trust in my life, i thought that getting away from that life would signal an end to the deceit and trickery. it is the number one thing i cannot handle from people i trust and love at this stage in my life. yet,once again, i am on the short end of the stick with the communication with dave. a few weeks ago, 2 to be exact, he was all upset that his friends were going rockclimbing for 5 days and he couldn't go, so i casually suggested that he go on friday instead of wednesday, his response was, i can't i have 3 courts pending that i am on call for, besides it's zed's birthday that saturday. i was impressed that he would consider that a reason for not going, and thought that was the end of it. today, i call him at lunchtime to check with him if either saturday or sunday would be better to go to my folks house to celebrate zed's birthday, and he says to me, this weekend? oh, i won't be home, i am clearly confused as i had removed the prior conversation from my mind, and ask if he has training or what? he says no don't you remember you said i could go to alabama hills on friday? and come home late sunday night? i am honestly dumb struck at this point, because i didn't think that was happening, and i just kind of ended the conversation, sat on the edge of my bed and starting weeping, i feel so stupid. the first weekend after the in-laws leave out of town for 3 months, my son's 12th birthday, the dinner at my parents, 4 kids, tynin at a sleepover, having to do it all alone, so he can climb. i already lined up a babysitter for the 3 girls so i could at least take zed to dinner and the movies, but i am so hurt. and the worst part is when he blames it on me, "remember you said i could go climbing" and that i almost didn't find out until friday as he was leaving. i am so fragile right now, i need to get to a stable secure place in life. i need to feel safe, and right now, i feel so off-kilter and neurotic. how do i learn to talk to him, to be heard, to hear, to understand..how?!?!?!?!?!?