feeling a bit exposed

feeling a bit exposed today. had prayer last night, jumped in with both feet and as scared as i was i am determined to finish this journey i begun long ago. i tried to block out the fears, the insecurities and the anxiety about who was there and what they would think and i prayed that god would do what he wanted and that i would obey what he said. i was glad i did, but then nothing, i sent out an update and got nothing... now i feel like it was a mistake. i try to just accept that it happens, but it was a huge risky step and i feel pretty alone right now. i don't know if i should just suck it up and keep trying until they all just quit showing up, or if i should jump ship before they hurt me. i am so not in a good emotional state, i am trying desperately to be "ok" in the brain functioning thing, but right now, everything feels personal, and hurtful and i am trying to trust to learn to let others in, even friends outside of prayer, and it feels so weird. so unnatural to want acceptance so badly. i don't know what to do, luckily it is almost time to sleep and i won't have to dwell on it for a few hours, and perhaps it won't seem so huge tomorrow. i hope so.