AAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!

AAARRGGGHHH!!!! that is the only way to describe my emotional state at this moment. things keep going from bad to worse, to ok and then back to horrible. things are so back and forth, and my nerves are shot. i am handling the marriage situation ok, it seems like i have taken back some of the power and that actually makes dealing with dave better, i have gotten bolder and have just stopped each situation and pointed out things that are not going well, instead of letting them simmer and blowing up, my therapist had me role-playing things that he swore would work in reaching dave, for months i have been trying all types of things, not one, not a single one, worked at all!!! my therapist was baffled and told me to just try to be blunt and forceful and honest and a little aggressive in pointing things out, he said that 9 times out of 10 men would rebel against this and become angry and bitter, but, guess what? it actually works with dave?! he doesn't get upset instead he just looks and me and says, ohhhh, now i get it. whatever. it doesn't change a lot of the living situation but it has relieved some pressure from me. the friend situation is horrendous! i spent sunday in bed crying, it was like i was mourning a loss. that is what it feels like. it is a really tricky, sticky problem and it is spiraling out of control. it sucks!!!! especially with the drama at home already. i am also in the middle of the whole kennedy thing and that is heartbreaking and tiring and i am already being manipulated and feel stuck. i also think that i need to take the break from prayer. i had thought it best, but got talked out of it. and already it is never a sure thing and i am so fragile emotionally, spiritually and mentally that it takes me out and i can't have that being a bad thing. i think a break would give people the opportunity to not be committed and that i would still feel like in october that i could come back without the hurt feelings. these are so my issues, and i can't make people understand that. i want to be able to express the screwed up processing my many faceted brain takes when thrown a curveball, but i seem to be lacking in how to make it come across. i will see. i am more mentally unstable than i have been in years, and everything seems so catastrophic to me. it seems like i am standing at the bottom of a hill watching an avalanche coming and have no will to get out of the way. it hurts, being so fucked up. i feel like i am unfit to be around most people at this point in my life. i don't know what to do or where to turn. and i in no way ever want people to have to deal with my pyscho feelings. it is nobodys fault that i freak out. only mine. no one could do anything to help me right now, i think i am too far gone. thanks for trying though.