my heart aches

my heart aches tonight.... a dull relentless pain. it hurts to breathe, to move, to feel. i keep thinking that each day will bring about some relief, some type of solutions, but it doesn't happen. there are new surprises everyday, some good some not so much. but i keep rolling with the blows. the past seems to forever haunt me, bringing back flooding of uncontrollable regret and pain. the future right now looks so bleak, and the present, is nothing to be too excited about either. i basically live each second and sometimes forget to breathe. the pain is shredding my heart, it feels like i will never be able to not feel pain. physical, mental, emotional, sexual, spiritual, it is all-encompassing. i feel like i have been mummified, wrapped tightly in pain. it surrounds me, consumes me, is me. the one bright spot? at least someone touched me tonight. wrapped his arm around me and told me i was safe. and for that brief time, i felt like i was..