why now?

why now?
why did you lie for so long?
i asked you straight to your face.
i demanded you tell me the truth.
i pleaded and begged
i cajoled and bartered,
i was honest with you,
brutally honest.
i spoke my mind, my heart, my spirit
you withheld yours
wrapped it tightly and put it away
you say you didn't want to hurt me,
you say you didn't mean to offend.
you say that it doesn't change anything
that you still feel the same way.
i feel like you haven't been honest for years
that everything you have said in this time frame
is bullshit.
i say that i feel so embarassed and ashamed
that i feel like an idiot
why now?
what am i supposed to do with the information.
how am i supposed to wake up tomorrow and be normal
how am i supposed to want to lay in the same bed with you.
how am i supposed to not despise myself.
you waited, you had every chance to be honest.
you waited and by doing so you hurt me to the core.
why now?
i thought my life was finally going to turn a corner
that i was on the track to a new beginning.
you smashed my confidence to the floor
you took away the hope that was barely flickering in my heart
you have stolen away the belief i had in us.
where do i begin,
from this very moment in time
my life is forever changed.
i have to fix this
to make it go away
i just wish that you could have been honest
when i was ready
why now?