tales from the working mother

so, here it is the evening of the second day that i worked. i would have written last night, but i was so exhausted that i couldn't even eat dinner with my family. having a job is such a weird experience for me. i have already failed as a working mom, my son wanted to run for student body president, mainly he said because he wanted someone to win that would do the job, not just someone who was popular. so, i said sure, go for it son. i completly spaced it out this weekend with my new job jitters, and didn't make any posters or help him with anything. he told me sunday night, he didn't really want to run, since all his friends were telling him that they were voting for someone else. i took him to school and he said he was not going to do it, and when i picked him up, he had been talked into it by a friend, and was a little sad. i felt horrible! but by bed he was over it and not too disappointed. callista forgot her lunch today, and had to call grandma because i was at work. not that she cared since grandma brought her a rice bowl and i would have brought her a lunchable or something else nasty. but, it was hard, to feel like i wasn't available to the kids like i used to be. of course, i still have the homework, and sports and dance and church stuff as well as being employed now. and to be honest, i am so tired! i do like my job, it is very challenging and the teacher i am with is new to the program and so it is a learning experience each day, but, today was loads better than yesterday, and i think tomorrow may be better as well. the weird part of the whole thing, is i took this job for financially reasons only, when dave became a detective, our finances went in the toilet, and it was after two years of me asking him to work overtime for more money that i decided i needed to work, so i didn't have to stress anymore. so i took this job, and now all of a sudden he is working 30 HOURS of overtime THIS WEEK! i am a little hurt and a little confused, but, it's not like we won't spend the money! the weird thing is that we had a huge sitdown conversation about him pitching in more with the kids and house work, and now he is not even here to do anything, so it all falls back on me. but, one great thing is that the kids have stepped it up and are kicking tail on the help, tynin is cooking dinner a few times a week, callista took over laundry from tynin, zed is dishes and picking up the living room. they are helping with the grocery shopping, and being responsible for their own breakfasts and lunches. they are really growing fast and it is a joy to be around them. so far, they seem to like school. zed is the biggest change in attitude about school, he really enjoys his teachers and is trying to prove that he is responsible. tynin likes her teacher, it is his first year teaching and he is super young. i am not thrilled with the over two hours of homework she has each night. tynin is super super anal about school, and tries to get it all done at school so she has time to read and stuff. the second week of school and super student is swamped and i am not thrilled. callista is having the hardest time, she loves her teacher, but she has some bratty kids in her class that are pretty disruptive and she is sitting with two of them. and the school work is a little bit challenging for her this year. zed is in soccer and the girls are in cheer. the other things have not started yet, but soon, i know that i will be spending long days running around, trying to savor every second with my kids. i am struggling with lonliness and depression. i feel like i have no one to share things with, no one to cry with, to laugh with. these days, the pain of not being touched, of not being acknowledged is taking it's toll. lots of tears, but i am in a good place, moving on to another phase of my life. my work is hard but i do have fun students and some hilarious stories after only two days, soon i will start blogging about my life at school. hope you are all well. miss you so much!