finally, an update

finally, i have a minute to write an update. things have been pretty good since halloween ended. it is so strange to me how telling my kids certain things about my life has changed my relationship with them. tynin seems to have a new found respect for me. she even wrote a poem about me in class(i haven't read it, so i am projecting that it is a good thing). zed is ever changing his prayers to revolve around me. and callista just asks off the wall questions, about once a day. it seems like they have aged so much since then. it's weird. i have been so busy, it seems like i am on this path of making sure that i get busier and busier than the previous week. yesterday i left the house at 10:30am and didn't get home for twelve hours. i was just running and running. today i am worn out. i had a good friend, laura, give me this boundary book, thanks for that, and i think that i should write my own book, and call it being the best doormat alive. i cannot set or keep boundaries for anything. it makes me sad sometimes. i have been enjoying things, but still i have this depression that will all of a sudden rear up and take me out, it seems to happen a lot lately. i will be fine and then a wave hits me and i am crying and feeling like i have no way out. it sucks. things with dave are ok, not great. i struggle with how selfish he can be. little things hurt. if he is cold in the car he cranks the heater, but if i am cold, he will turn the heater off or worse open the window. that really irks me. i try to understand but again it escapes my thinking. i am hoping that by the holidays the depression will disappate if not it could be bad. i miss so many people and feel the void in my life from them being out of it. i am looking forward to next week as i dont have too many things to do. their is drama with the girls soccer team, we actually got disqualified and will not play the championship game. the girls are sad and i think it is horrid how adults ruin things for kids. i will try to do better on updating my blog. i rarely have a minute, but when i do i will try to write. miss you all!!!!!!!