as i sit here thinking

as i sit here thinking, i realize that i have some time to write. not that what i am going to write is in anyway positive or uplifting to my fellow man, but it does seem theraputic to my soul to get it out, so i am writing. this weekend was strange, went to my parents on thanksgiving, my mom is on oxygen fulltime and it is sad to see, she has always been like a gourmet chef, but this years meal was not up to her standards, that hurt me more than i thought it would. my ten year old nephew cried for almost two hours because he was told to put his shoes on, this created a lot of tension, then his parents screamed at each other in the back yard while david and i did the dishes and the kids were on a walk with my dad, then my dad got indigestion, which my mom kept saying was the first sign of a heart attack, then i got a migrane and decided to go home, the kids stayed and dave went back and got them, when he got home he decided to go to shannon's, i stayed home and watched survivor, around 10 pm, they called and persuaded me to go there too, i didn't want to go, but felt like i wanted to be with my family, an hour after i got there tynin threw up everywhere and i took her home, she threw up for a few hours and then fell asleep. in the morning, i got up and checked on her, she was perfectly fine, so i started packing for the family and cleaning the house, we were headed to cambria to see dave's mom and sister. the drive went smoothly, and we got there and ate a thanksgiving meal with his family and their friends, a lot different than with mine, because alcohol is served, and language is abused. dave's sister makes me crazy with her child rearing. i can barely stomach being around my niece, which is tragic! dave's mom got us a room at the cambria pines lodge, where his stepdad works, not just any room it was a two bedroom suite, two fireplaces, two bathrooms, a patio, plush, plush, plush, and she kept our kids at her house for the night, it had the kind of mattress that i have always wanted, that memory foam stuff, let me tell you, if i ever win the lottery, it will be my first purchase! i haven't slept that well in years and years. we stayed in the room until the last possible minute, and then went back to hang out, but his mom was pretty tired and urged us to go, so we left. we stopped for a bite in paso robles, and i almost killed us all on the freeway, it was really bad and scared us all. we made it home and i started cleaning and doing laundry, then shannon's kids came over, they had a party they had to go to. the kids were loud and hyper. i wasn't really in the mood for it, but it worked out ok. today, was a long day, mostly because there seems to be this huge chasm between dave and i and the bitterness he feels for me cannot fade even with a night at the pines in cambria. sometimes i swear that he hates me, that he looks for excuses to humiliate me. my main concern right now, is he has been drinking so much lately, to the point of puking. it used to happen, once or twice a year, maybe more on vacation, but lately he has gotten realy drunk every weekend and drinks every night. i know he is stressed, we are refinancing our home, his workload is doubled the next two weeks, and i hope that once that is straightened out he will stop the excessive drinking. i have spent a lot of time drying my tears today, it hasn't been good. i also want to say, in closing, i have jury duty tomorrow. welcome to my world.