giving thanks

most days i struggle with feelings, whether they be of desperation or of elation. feelings are something relatively new to me, so i am not always fond of them when they arise. i will say that i am learning to control and enjoy them more with each passing day. the past few months, most of the emotions that i have felt have no joy involved, abandonment, sadness, isolation, loneliness, depression, you get the picture. not always, some days i live life to the fullest and enjoy each tiny moment of bliss. some days the emotions are quite bland, and i rather enjoy the dullness they bring, no highs or lows. one thing that i have become very conscious of the past few months is that i need to be grateful, to my core for each piece of happiness that i receive so in honor of thanksgiving i decided i would publicly declare my appreciation for these things. so, here in no particular order are the thing i am most grateful of...........................
my husband, david, who works hard to pay the bills and lives life to the fullest, with excitement and challenges and an exhuberance for life.
my son, zedekiah, who is learning how to become a man, and who amazes me with his heart, his mind and his creativity
my daughter, tynin, who pushes herself to exceed in every area in her life, who is fiercely loyal to her friends, and who has challenged me as a mother to reach a higher level
my daughter, callista, who has taught me to laugh, who shines when she enters a room, who gives and gives with no thought of what is in it for her
to my niece, kennedy, who has touched a place in my heart that will always yearn for her, who showed me that one person can make a difference in a childs life, and that i had the strength to stand up for a child and to shower her with love and in return was loved and needed.
my best friend, shannon, who has taught me that i am good enough to hang out with normal people, who makes me laugh with a look, who always gets "it" and never makes me explain, who i call on the commercials of our favorite shows to throw our two-cents in, who understands how much a new haircut can change a womans perspective
my dad, george, who taught me to trust, to love, to just let go and believe that he wouldn't let me fall, who opened my heart to let others in, who i miss terribly and try to show my honor and respect to in his absence
to my prayer group, who has driven many a mile, and stayed up long hours to get me through some tough times, who took me out of my comfort zone, but allowed me to enter a safe place, who have become more like family than church people, and who i admire, revere and miss.
to my kids teachers who have pushed and guided and comforted and nurtured my kids when they were in their care, who have given each child of mine a different love for something new this year,
to my blue couch, who has endured endless nights with me, swallowed up many of my tears, and watched more episodes of csi than i care to mention
to my laptop, the one object that i don't think i could live without, you have checked the kids grades, kept tabs on old friends, written to new ones, you hold pictures on the ones i love, and make cds of my favorite songs, you have let me bid on frivolous items, and kept tabs on my finances, thanks.
to my calvin crest family camp friends, you give me a reason to go on, something to look forward to, you make me feel like i am capable of a higher level of friendship, you check in on us and pray, you have made this time in my life more memorable.
to my porch friends, you have shared many a smoke and drink and conversation, sometimes, deep though provoking other times, light and hiliarious. you have slowly become people that i care deeply for and look forward to seeing. i have pushed myself to become more normal in hopes of being able to fit into your circle, and i finally feel like i have.
to walt disney, you have made my whole life bearable by your parks, movies, shows, and creations. you restore lost childhood innocence to this woman, and you create memories with my children that i will remember always
i am tired now, and dont feel like this list is complete, i of course thank god for giving me this life, not everyday, sometimes i question why, but that is not today. i hope that everyone takes a moment to remember what brings them joy and to be grateful, if only for a time. tis the season to be thankful, and today i am.